


Miss Ya, Kiddo

by dean_n_pie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-23 09:49:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2543216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_n_pie/pseuds/dean_n_pie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel watches his best-friend-slash-love-of-his-life fall in love with someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AngelOtaku121](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelOtaku121/gifts).



> not real happy with this one>.

Gabriel wasn’t sure when he fell in love with his best friend, exactly. He thought that it was sometime between the huge water balloon fight that tore up his parents yard and the time when he and Sam went to the clearing to just stargaze.

He knows for sure that it was before the stargazing - because that was when he actually realized it. And after that, well… everything had changed.

(They had been looking up at the stars, no light in the silent clearing except for the dull glow of the moon. Gabriel could barely see the outline of his feet in the grass, and turned to Sam. They were lying near each other, feet stretched in opposite directions with their heads tucked closely. If Gabriel tilted his head just right, he would be able to rest his nose against Sam’s temple.

It was one of the quiet moments - he and Sam hadn’t spoken in a couple minutes, and Gabriel had just thought of a question about astrology - Sam knew all the constellations and their back stories. He turned toward Sam, words on the tip of his tongue dying in his mouth.

The moonlight was reflecting off of Sam’s skin in the most beautiful way, and when Sam glanced over at him, his eyes were alive. The light danced in them, and Gabriel couldn’t help but stare. Sam didn’t notice anything strange, looking back up at the sky.

"It’s beautiful," he sighed out, reaching a hand up to trace the constellations.

"Yeah," Gabriel whispered, eyes locked on Sam’s face. "It is." It didn’t seem right to disturb the night with voices, and they both slipped back into silence. )

But Gabriel’s eyes hadn’t left Sam’s profile until he’d fallen asleep in the dewy grass.

—

After that night, Gabriel treaded more carefully around Sam. He observed how his heart pounded whenever Sam smiled at him, how it would quicken when Sam would tell him how great of a friend he was, before skipping a beat at the choice of words.

'Friend'. Nothing more, nothing less. Perhaps 'best friend' would still be accurate, but it wasn't all that Gabriel wanted.

He hated these thoughts, sometimes. Late at night, he would curl around them, letting the fantasy and the imagined love between him and Sam keep him awake until all hours of the night. But during the day he pushed them away, because being Sam’s friend should be enough, it was enough, it had to be enough.

During the day… it was easier. Gabriel could lie to himself, pretending that his rapid heartbeat came from going up the stairs, not how he was melting at Sam’s arm around his shoulders.

But at night… at night he would lie awake and let the tears fall, knowing that it would simply never be enough, and that it was all he would ever get.

—

Senior year was when everything changed.

Sam grew about a foot over the summer, and Gabriel didn’t even notice. Sam teased him about it, resting his arm on Gabriel’s shoulder and sometimes even his head. Gabriel would fake frustration and shove Sam’s arm away playfully, even while he craved the touch.

He would smile for Sam and laugh at his horrible jokes, all the while hiding his feelings from everyone. For all Sam claimed to be perceptive and all that shit, he really just wasn’t catching on. Christ.

And then Sam met Jess.

And Gabriel faded into the background.

Suddenly, Sam wasn’t studying with him, he was studying with Jess. He couldn’t watch the soccer game with Gabriel, Jess was over. Yeah, that new movie was out, but he’d already gone with Jess, who just so happened to love the same types of movies as both of them.

(“It’s awesome, Gabriel, she actually wanted to go see Captain America instead of Love, Actually, and I think I fell in love.”

Gabriel just smiled, clapping Sam on the back. “Great, now you won’t have to drag me along when I have homework to do.”

Sam snorted. “Please, you love being distracted. You wish I invited you to the movies more often.”)

Soon, Gabriel found himself shunted to the side more often than not, and couldn’t even resent Jess for it. She was adorable and beautiful, and most importantly? She made Sam happy.

It should have been enough.

(Hint: it wasn’t.)

College applications were sent in January, and Gabriel was nervous. He and Sam had planned on being roommates, ever since they were in middle school, but when college deadlines came and went with no word on the topic from Sam, Gabriel started to let his dreams go.

He’s seen enough romantic comedies to know that he isn’t the main character in Sam’s story; Jess is. He’s the quirky best friend who is encouraging and funny, the one no one really thinks about after the movie is over.

It just… he tried to accept it, he really did, but it only became clear after everything was too late to be fixed.

(“Hey.” Gabriel sat down next to Sam, nudging him with his shoulder. “Where’s Jess?”

"Home sick." Sam grinned down at his phone at what looked like a text from Jess herself, hiding the phone from Gabriel’s view when he responded.

"Sending sexy messages, Samsquatch?" Gabriel teased, smile not really reaching his eyes. Sam just rolled his eyes and shoved him away, tucking the phone back into his pocket.

Gabriel took a breath before asking what he had really meant to. “So, how’d your college applications go?”

Sam bit his lip and turned to face Gabriel. “I meant to talk to you about that.” He looked apologetic, and Gabriel suddenly didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. “Me and Jess both applied to Stanford.”

Gabriel didn’t know what to say. He just stared at Sam, trying to process. “Wait. Stanford? What happened to NYU? We were - I thought we were gonna go together?”

Sam shrugged. “Jess loves Cali, and Stanford is a great law school. Figured I might as well apply. And hey,” he said, “probably won’t even get in. I applied to NYU, too, so me and Jess might end up going there anyway. It’ll all work out.”

Gabriel just smiled, trying not to let the pain show in his eyes. “Right.” Because Sam didn’t realize just how smart he actually was; Stanford was going to accept him without any question. And Gabriel would be going to NYU alone, on the other side of the country.

It wouldn’t take long for Sam to forget him.)

It felt like the end of an era, and when Sam came running to Gabriel, acceptance letter in hand, Gabriel finally gave up hope for real. Graduation came and went, and Sam and Jess fell more in love.

He always tried to be there for Sam, but it got harder as college came closer. Sleepless nights were spent imagining what he wished would happen, how he would convince Sam to love him instead.

(If he could, he would go and declare it all to Sam, and Sam would confess that he’s always liked Gabriel more than a friend, and they would be together and go to NYU together and finally, finally have everything they should.)

But it would never happen.

There’s not enough time, there could never be enough time, and it’s time Gabriel accepted it.

(Sam’s window was unlocked, like it always was, and Gabriel tried being silent when he snuck in. He’d been doing it since he was about 12, and climbing the trellis next to the window was second-nature.

He left the lights off, using his phone to light the way to Sam’s bed. Sam was out with Dean, seeing some new action film that Dean had been absolutely salivating to see.

When he’s there, he considers leaning down to smell the pillow, trying to memorize Sam’s scent before he leaves.

He hadn’t told anyone, but he’s leaving for college a month early to do a special advanced program. Sam, who would usually be the first to know, had been kept in the dark. All Gabriel needed was to disappear. He didn’t need to wait around any longer.

He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a lollipop with a note wrapped around the stem. He laid it gently on Sam’s pillow, eyes flicking over to the bedside table. Ever since he can remember, a picture of Sam and himself has sat next to his bed. The picture was nowhere to be seen; there was a small box there, and Gabriel’s heart dropped. He froze in the dark, and a beam of moonlight made the box look ominous. He didn’t want to look inside, he couldn’t, but still he found his fingers moving toward it.

The box was velvet and light, and he cracked it open. A ring sat on a bed inside, and he had to close his eyes against the image. He shut the box with a shaky hand, putting it back on the nightstand.

The letter looked small, now, on the pillow. Gabriel shook himself, realizing that his hands were trembling. It was useless - he should have realized that from the start. Biting his lip against the pain in his chest, he turned away from the bed. He climbed down the trellis from the window, shoving his hands into his pocket and walking off into the night.)

It was difficult, knowing that no matter what he tried, he couldn’t change the future.

He would never have been the one that Sam picked.


	2. On the Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finds the note and makes his move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason this is becoming chaptered idk i know about as much as you do at this point -_-

Sam knew he would make a good lawyer. He could read people better than almost anyone, and had a desire to prove himself. Never mind the will to fight for the underdog, which probably had some underlying psychological reason that he didn’t want to know about. It was just the way he was wired.

Or so he thought.

What is someone supposed to do when their best friend leaves them a note on their pillow, confessing his love no less? And then disappears?

Sam was wavering between really, really pissed off and really, really disappointed. There was a little self-hate mixed up in there as well as, because maybe he wasn’t as good as reading people as he thought. But Gabriel was an asshole, leaving a damn note and running off. This wasn’t a romantic comedy, this was real life.

(Well, on second thought…)

He groaned, reading over the letter one more time. I don’t expect anything in return, I just needed you to know. It was just so… un-Gabriel-like. And this whole running off without waiting for a response thing was irking Sam.

Which… put a solid tick mark in the ‘romantic comedy’ column, actually. Dammit.

He’d tried calling Gabriel’s phone about 10 times, going to voicemail every damn time. What was the logic there? Leave a note and don’t even try to leave room for a response?

Life, meet romantic comedy, part deux.

Gabriel was lucky Sam knew where he lived. So, after waiting the necessary couple days to cool off so he didn’t punch Gabriel right when he saw him, he took Dean’s car and drove over.

"Come on, asshole, open up," he said, knocking on the door. After a good couple minutes with no answer, he rang the doorbell, holding the button down. Footsteps sounded from inside, and the doorknob turned. He stepped back, arms folded across his chest.

He didn’t expect Mrs. Milton to open the door, tilting her head up at Sam. “Sam? What are you doing here?”

"Is Gabriel home?" he asked, not unkindly per say, but more accusing than he’d meant. "Ma’am," was added almost as an afterthought, because he was still his mother’s son, and she’d taught her boys to use manners no matter the circumstance.

"No, he isn’t. Didn’t he tell you?" She motioned for Sam to come inside. He followed, going to sit at the kitchen table while she puttered about. "Want something to drink, hon?"

"Water’s good, thanks." She grinned over at him, pulling the pitcher out of the fridge and pouring him a glass.

"Gabriel really didn’t tell you?" she asked, sitting across from him. The fan blew her hair around her face, and she turned around, missing Sam’s frown.

"No, he didn’t tell me anything," he said, trying in vain to keep the bitterness out of his tone. She raised an eyebrow over at him but didn’t press, and the expression looked so much like Gabriel’s that he had to bite his lip. "Where did he go?"

"There was a program for aspiring authors up at NYU that started three weeks before school started. He wanted to participate, so me and Chuck drove him down two days ago. Chuck’s still there with him, but I needed to come back to take care of Anna." As if on cue, a baby cried out, and she rose from her seat. "One second."

Sam waited for her to leave and start comforting Anna before pulling out his phone. He called Gabriel again, expecting the same generic voicemail message.

Instead, he got a nasally women’s voice explaining that the number was out of service, and Sam swore under his breath. Gabriel really didn’t want to make this easy, did he? Sam pushed the phone against his forehead, considering his options.

Really, there was only one way he could go if he wanted to talk to Gabriel and get it all sorted.

He stared at his phone for a couple seconds, resolve hardening. Mrs. Milton came back into the kitchen, Anna on her hip. Sam grinned at the girl before rising, reaching over to pull Mrs. Milton into a hug. She stilled, surprised, before wrapping him in an awkward one-armed hug.

"Thanks for the drink, Mrs. Milton, but I really need to run."

She stared after him with a bemused expression before shrugging. “Good luck, Sam,” she said, cooing down at Anna.

Sam slid behind the seat of Dean’s car, glancing apprehensively down at the gas gauge. It was pretty close to full, and Sam grinned.

Dean wouldn’t miss it for a weekend. Right?

Sam revved the engine, hands tightening on the steering wheel.

… No, he couldn’t do it. For starters, he didn’t know where the hell NYU was. Second, Dean would lambaste him if he stole the car to go to New York City.

Basically, a horrid idea all around. But Sam couldn’t not try. Gabriel might have tried to end it then and there, but Sam wasn’t backing down without an explanation. Although, it might be all in vain anyway. There was no way Dean would drive him to NYU, even during the summer when he didn’t have to work as much. John made enough as a mechanic to support the two of them, but even still…convincing Dean to drive his baby to NYC seemed impossible.

Which was why Sam was speechless when Dean agreed.

"Wait, what?" he asked, mouth hanging open. Dean snorted and reached over, tapping under Sam’s chin.

"Don’t want you to swallow bugs. Samantha." He leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up on the coffee table. "Sure, I’ll drive you to NYC. Cas wanted to go to Times Square anyway, so we’ll head that way and let you and Shortstack work things out, capische?"

"Wait, just like that?" Sam repeated, sure that any second Dean would laugh and tell him that there was no way in hell. But Dean just shrugged, grabbing the keys from the table.

"Sure. Why not? You’re going to college in a week or so, Mom and Dad are still on vacation… Let’s go." He headed around the corner and up the stairs. There was a loud dragging sound that Sam recognized as a suitcase being pulled on the hardwood, and ran upstairs to help Dean pack.

They were going to New York.


End file.
